And if you're just here for the pictures, there are none today. We just can't get that many good pictures through the hospital glass. Most of the time the curtains are shut so it is dark, and Lily is in a crib that is not close to the window.
Today was (hopefully) our last visit at the hospital. Tomorrow Lily should be moved back to the orphanage. I'm glad it was our last visit there because that place is wearing on me. Today as we stared through the looking glass I just started to wonder if any of it matters. Does it matter to Lily that we come to see her every day for 20 minutes? All we can do is knock on the window. Sometimes that gets her attention but it doesn't keep it.
Do our visits matter to the other two children in the room with her that we've fallen in love with? What will happen to them? Will we ever see them again? I've taken so many pictures of them but I'm not going to post them on here. They are somebody's child and I will respect their privacy. Will they ever have a Mama or Papa?
And as I looked at Lily I felt doubts creeping in:
- Will she learn to smile and laugh?
- Will she learn to make eye contact for longer than a few seconds?
- When she is rocking herself, will I be able to comfort her?
- When she is lost in her own little world that has been her coping mechanism, will I be able to help her out?
- How long will the stimming last?
- When will she walk?
- When will she talk?
- Will she learn to sign?
- Does she have the slightest clue who we are?
I am ok with not having answers right now. But it is still hard.