Friday, January 13, 2012

A Kairos Moment

If you don't know what that means, I think it's best explained on this blog. I'm not going to re-hash it here, I just want to share with you a Kairos moment I had a few days ago.

I was sitting on the couch and Lily wanted to climb up with me. Since she can't get onto the couch by herself yet, I pulled her up onto my lap. As usual, she flipped to her stomach and hung her head off the arm rest. She ended up positioned in such a way that my palm was pressed against her chest, right next to her heart.

I froze, because I could feel her heart pumping in my palm. I could almost hear it. And I paused to listen and feel because I know not to take that beautiful heart for granted. Lily had to fight so hard for that heart to work properly, and it just felt like God was right there reminding me again that it's a miracle she is here. It's a miracle she lived long enough for us to adopt her. It's a miracle she was able to have the repair surgery. It's a miracle that she did so well with that surgery.

She's a miracle.


Kellan's momma said...

Love this!

rosedel said...

i think that those are the moments that "old" moms like me are talking about when they say "Enjoy it now, it goes so quickly" . I'm not talking enjoy like I enjoy a box of chocolate. I mean enjoy like take notice of the time. Remember the smell of her head as you rock her, remember how funny she looks throwing a fit remember the things that make her yours.

Erik and Ashley said...

haha rosedel, you are a rare flower. ;) i wish most parents meant it the way you say, but...i think it's more a combination of nostalgia, amnesia, and wishful thinking, rather than legit advice (such as what you are most definitely offering) that seems to motivate most comments toward new moms/parents.

i remember, when my son was only about 4-5 weeks old, a lady with older kids saying, "ohhh, i miss those days!" and in my mind i was like, "seriously?!? cause i don't think you remember how sleepless, stressed, and exhausted you were those first weeks!" haha how quickly we forget.

a closer-to-home example: whenever i have ventured honest comments to my own parents about how tired i was, or how annoyed i was at whatever new attitude my son is/was presenting (he's almost 2 lol), my parents' invariable reaction is literally along the lines of: "ohhhh, but it's so worth it!" or "ohhh, but he's your little bundle of joy" or "but aren't you so happy to have him!!!" etc. etc. i.e., ENJOY EVERY MINUTE, including when you feel like crap or your son is being a rebellious, insane, and/or capricious toddler. btw if you haven't seen it, has some hilarious posts about toddlerhood. :)

i have always loved babies and children of all ages. and i loved how snuggly and adorable my son was as an infant, but boy was i thrilled each week when i could mentally check off another week of his age, signifying another week of inching back closer to sanity and toward a child that would be outwardly more interactive, expressive of his reciprocal love, and so on.

so now, unfortunately, i keep my honesty to myself as far as my parents are concerned (how sad is that??!?) but have re-directed it toward other new moms, saying, in a nutshell, "parenting is hard. yes of COURSE it's worth it, but don't beat yourself up for thinking it's hard, cause it is. acknowledge your feelings about the hard parts and don't be afraid to seek help. i am here for you if you need anything."

the totally unexpected result of this has been a newfound role in life: the shoulder to cry on, the person to call about fertility issues, lactation problems, teething, sleeping issues, what have you.

this has been from both close friends and friends/acquaintances that i otherwise barely know, but have appeared out of the woodwork just because of a simple reaching out to let them know they are not alone in their struggles.

what this tells me is most definitely not that i'm such a great person to consult with or whatever, but rather that there is a *huge* need that is not being adequately addressed for new parents in our culture. i totally agree with the blogger about the kairos stuff that our society pressures parents into thinking they are supposed to enjoy every second, or else they must not be doing it right. otherwise distant friends who i barely know would not be calling me out of the blue for help surviving the difficulties of new motherhood; they would be calling the myriad close friends and relatives who *should* be there as their support network. but our culture has failed in this regard. when i see a mom in the store with a newborn, i frequently tell her, "hang in there, it gets easier with time!" because maybe she has no one else telling her that and acknowledging that there are hard parts to begin with.

*your* legit attitude and appropriate advice, however, is totally appreciated and point is well taken. :) i wish more "old" moms had your same outlook!